• "That doesn’t matter. That was an old brain. I have a new brain. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a seven-year-old. That’s how I describe myself."
• "I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p–y!"
• "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
• "I have a disease? Bull–t. I cured it … with my mind."
• "[The standard path] was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA."
• "If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently."
• "I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen."
• "I am battle-tested bayonets, bro."
• "Rock bottom; that’s a fishing term."
• "I think people mistake my passion for anger."
• "You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life."
• "I’m tired–I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitching and winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’ and just delivering the goods at every freakin’ turn."
• "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm [show creator Chuck Lorrie] with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."
• "I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro."
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